I Wish People Weren’t So Nice To Me
This isn’t me telling people to start being mean to me. I don’t want that. Luckily, there have been very few people throughout my life who have been mean to me. For the most part, people have been really kind to me. My teachers, family, friends, co-workers, etc. have always been my biggest cheerleaders. I’m grateful for that. It’s shaped me into the pleasant person I am today. But as I get older, I’m starting to wish everyone wasn’t so nice to me.
This is how people being nice set me up for failure…
As a child, I grew up in the glow of straight A’s, Honor Rolls, and endless praise. I was a good kid. I was seldom yelled at or reprimanded. I had teachers who were just so appreciative of a student that respected and feared authority that I got the utmost praise for doing the bare minimum. Did I always deserve it? Maybe not. Was I lazy most of the time? Maybe. Have I gotten by through life on doing the minimum? Definitely. One of my favorite stories of my life was the one time in fifth grade when I got a 100 on a test but I noticed I got one answer wrong. I innocently pointed this out to my teacher and she let me keep the 100 for “being honest”. Teachers like to give out participation trophies in hopes that it will motivate their students. I strongly believe in positive reinforcement and it’s effect on one’s ability to achieve their goals. But there’s a part of me that’s starting to believe that too much can be detrimental.
I’ve always had this knee-jerk reaction to defend myself at the slightest hint of criticism. I rarely received it so I didn’t know how. The lack of true, honest criticism in my life caused me to be overly-sensitive and easily discouraged. I didn’t develop a thick skin and I find that I tend to give up on something if I’m not perfect at it on the first try. How did I get through life with such fragility?
This isn’t to say I’ve spent my entire life coasting. I consider myself to be a hard worker and smart. The compliments and rave reviews I get about who I am as a person have merit and are not without reason. But have I always given 100% in the things I do? No. I’m at a place within myself where I can openly and honestly admit that most of the time, I just didn’t want to work hard and I wanted things to be easy forever.
As with anything in life, positive reinforcement should be given in moderation. I now have a boss who is able to push me mentally with a delicate balance that isn’t discouraging but it isn’t harmfully kind. It was in her “gentle reprimanding” that I realized I needed to step it up at work. I’ve been coasting way too long and I have to earn my place not only at work but in life. I won’t be given promotions or a raise for continuously making mistakes with no improvement. Learning to live with the discomfort of honest feedback is extremely empowering. It’s changed my mindset about what self-discipline is because in some ways, I had none. Once the lighted path of being in school came to an end, the stakes felt higher and I was greeted with frustration at the fact I could no longer get by on just “being nice” at work. If I wanted praise or a reward, I had to earn it. I got away with not giving my all for a long time because most authority figures didn’t want to crush my spirit and they accepted “good enough” from me. While I appreciate their concern for my seemingly fragile motivation, I’m now dealing with the repercussions of never being criticized. Just like too much negativity can become toxic to one’s self, too much praise can also cause a person to bask in the glory of a false perfection.
I’m slowly learning how to handle criticism and appreciate honest feedback about my shortcomings. I’ve always had them I just wish more people laid them out to me. I’m also trying to get out of a victim mentality and stop equating criticism to an assault on my being. When done right, being called out can actually help.
